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When a Jason Calacanis Death Joke Goes Horribly Wrong

Izea comic strip

It’s no secret that Mahalo founder Jason Calacanis has a deranged fascination with death. He regularly tells people to kill themselves on Twitter and announced in April that he was making “kill yourself” his new catchphrase.

But Jason’s attraction to bloodshed is nothing new. Way back when at Affiliate Summit West in 2008, Calacanis stopped in the middle of a keynote and asked the crowd if anyone in attendance worked at PayPerPost. A couple of people in the back reluctantly raised their hands and Jason snapped, “Please do us all a favor and kill yourselves.” All fun and games, right? Not exactly. You see, later that night, one of the PayPerPost employees curled himself into a ball, took out a shotgun, and shot himself twice in the back of the head. His carcass sat for days until a UPS man came to drop off a package and noticed blood splattered on a windowpane. Ok, that didn’t really happen. But it could have happened, and that’s the point. When you’ve told well over 200,000 people to kill themselves, as Calacanis has, eventually, one of them will. Simple math dictates that.

Now, for your reading pleasure, I’ve compiled a brief list of Jason’s most dark and baleful “kill yourself” moments. So fire up an mp3 of Louis Jordan’s “Let The Good Times Roll” and take a gander:

1. In May, he recommended that Facebook’s entire PR department be rounded up and shot to death. [source]

2. He told someone to kill himself (or herself) in email that he not-so-secretly prayed would appear on Hacker News in April. [source]

3. During an October This Week in Startups episode, he suggested that all AT&T execs grab samurai swords and stab themselves to death as part of a painful, ritual suicide event sure to pique the interest of the FOX network. [source]

4. He’s ordered StockTwits founder Howard Lindzon to terminate himself more times than you can shake a stick at. [source]

5. Earlier this month, he wondered aloud why the former CEO of BP hadn’t eviscerated himself yet. [source] Apparently, the ex-BP CEO doesn’t read Jason’s tweets.

I could go on, but I’ll stop in the interest of time. Ok, so why does it matter that Jason waltzes through the streets of Santa Monica telling people to disembowel themselves on a daily basis? Why should you care? Well, I wholeheartedly believe, as the above comic illustrates, that it’s only a matter of time before someone takes Jason seriously and attempts to commit seppuku. And I’m not sure if Jason is ready to deal with the harsh reality of having that kind of blood on his hands. Hell, I’m not sure if I’m ready to deal with the reality of being a criminally negligent bystander to Jason’s lunacy.

No, the line must be drawn here–not an inch further! We have a responsibility, as a society, to rise up and stop Jason’s madness from spiraling completely out of control before it‘s too late! We must band together with a legion of discarded doppelgangers and ragtag railroad-riders so that we can counter Jason at every turn. So, follow me! Follow me to a brave new world where Jason Calacanis can no longer control people with the power of his mind!

Or you can just sit there and do nothing. Hmm…on reflection, I think I like that plan better. Yea, I think I’ll just sit and do nothing. Oh, and I should probably note that I actually endorse Calacanis’ plan to trim down PayPerPost: the company would function better if it was nothing more than a single room with IZEA CEO Ted Murphy and a skeletal staff, or literal skeletons, if PayPerPost employees are willing to take Jason seriously. Yea, yea, that’s the ticket! (sorry, Tommy Flanagan is standing over my shoulder). IZEA should be reduced to a room with Ted Murphy and a bunch of old, dirty skeletons. Mr. Calacanis, make it happen!

Side note: I’m working on a project that, once completed, will make your brain explode. Please subscribe so that you don’t miss an update.

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